Balancing Discipline With Grace - Wheatfield Academy

Parenting Teens Is Not Easy

Parents of teens have a tough job. It is natural for adolescents to test boundaries, to try out new behaviors, to try out new personalities and attitudes. This is a natural part of growing up and developing into the man or woman that we will become. The task of the parent is to guide their teen through this process. As parents, we have wisdom and experience that should be used in this process. We can see when our teens are headed down a path or toward behaviors that will be detrimental to them as adults. When we observe our teens headed toward harmful behaviors, it’s our job to correct and punish those behaviors. But what about grace? How can we teach our teens about grace without reinforcing bad behaviors?

Choosing the Appropriate Punishment

First of all, teens must understand punishment correctly before they will ever understand grace. I think it needs to be clear to teens that punishments are not meant to make their lives miserable, and they are also not meant to make their parents lives easier. Teens should understand that their parents are not sadists who punish them because they enjoy seeing them suffer. Punishments should be clearly explained and understood as the natural consequence for unacceptable behavior. Teen behavior that is annoying but falls short of qualifying as unacceptable probably should not be punished. Parents should consider how a given behavior is going to affect their teen in the future before choosing the appropriate punishment. This negative impact on the future should be explained to teens when punishments are levied. Teens do not necessarily need to agree that their punishment is for their own good, but parents should explain that they believe that they are acting in the child’s best interest when they punish. The correct punishment to choose is the one that will lead to cessation of the undesired behavior. Some teens will need grounded from their phones for 6 months to correct a behavior that other teens would only need a stern look from mom or dad to overcome. Teens also need to know how to earn their way back from a punishment. “You’re grounded until further notice” can cause teens to feel defeated and to stop trying. “You’re grounded until Friday, and if you are respectful to your mother until then, then you will be un-grounded” gives teens something to work toward.

Teaching your Teen by Showing Grace

When teens understand that punishments are the natural consequence for unacceptable behavior, parents may want to teach their teen about grace by showing them grace. Grace is not natural; it is supernatural. That is what makes Jesus’ sacrifice and the grace offered by God through that sacrifice so remarkable. Grace is not what should happen. Bad behavior should result in consequences. However, intentionally choosing to forego an earned consequence can be the perfect opportunity to teach teens about Christ and His sacrifice. When parents choose to show grace in the face of unacceptable behavior they should always tell their teen about the Gospel and the grace available to them through Jesus Christ. If we don’t tell our teens about the Gospel when we extend grace to them, the line between grace and getting away with bad behavior becomes too thin for teens to know the difference. If teens expect grace when they misbehave, then they are probably experiencing their parents’ grace too often. Punishment and consequences should be expected. Grace should be a surprise that leads teens to be more enamored with Christ.